Walks

I walked. I kept walking. I walked, like, you know, a lot. My first intention when I left home was to go to Tesco and get some groceries. Not that I needed any, my fridge was full – yes, I am one of those people. But I was figuring out some nice food, and by that I mean food that makes you feel guilty eating it, would help me get through this depression. I didn’t like to have junk food at home. My moto behind it was that if I was going to have it, at least I would walk to the supermarket so I would move my ass a tiny bit before indulging in a paradisiac pleasure experience. A bit dramatic, I know.

Anyway, that is not the whole point of this short story, so let’s refocus. I walked to Tesco but before I realised Tesco was long gone. I was near Lydiard fields, which lies almost two miles away from home. I turned around and I was alone in the street. I was not surprised talking into account that it was a Sunday afternoon in winter and the Sun was hiding in the horizon. Then, I noticed one more thing: I was crying. Not crying wildly or uncontrollably; but there were a few tears streaming down my face.

The reason why I was crying and why I walked so much – I’m not a sporty person, I must confess – was obvious. I was in Swindon, a non-very-exciting-at-all town in south England. And he? He was in the North Pole. Okay, maybe not North Pole, but a town in north Scotland, pretty north, as north as you can get in the UK. Will he ever come back? Will I ever have the courage to leave all? Did I want that? Did I want my life at the moment? I had always wished to be a determined person. One that knows what they want. One that is driven so much by it that will end up succeeding. One that will follow their goal no matter what.

I simply wasn’t one of them. Instead, my thing was to go for walks. Instead, I kept asking myself, where am I aiming in life? And then, I realised why I walked so much. If you don’t know where you are heading to, you just need to keep walking.

I took a deep breath and I stopped walking. Boy, was I sweaty. It was all so foolish and it was so damn cold. I could see families in their houses lighting up fires and getting ready for their Sunday roast. Suddenly, I missed home. It was so far away from this, still, very foreign and new country for me.

I called a Taxi back home. Once in the taxi, I ran through a list in my head of things that I was enjoying about my current life. There were a few, so it wasn’t all that bad. When I got back home, I went inside my bed. I was extremely exhausted and I urgently needed a nap. I said to myself: I would go for a longer walk on another day. Eventually, there will be a day where I will stop walking. It wasn’t quite there yet though.

I closed my eyes and felt asleep. Man, that was a great nap!