End of season

And so it came again, just after one year. The dreaded moment to say goodbye, pack up, load the car, leave the keys and drive away. I drive slowly to avoid the unavoidable and I am dragged down by the impossible tetris assortment of luggage in the back seats. To an outsider I am that annoying driver who’s doing 30 in country lines and pretends no one can notice her singing out loud followed by uncontrollable tears. But I embrace the movie cliché and I find myself looking out for the beauty in sadness, the hope in the exasperation, the fear of the unknown. And in that moment I tell myself that I will be fine as I am brave. I am probably taking this quote from someone else, so please excuse the copyright when I say that “to be brave is to have fear of doing something and then doing it regardless”.

 

Closing this chapter brings me fear but at the same time and in all honesty, I am ready to move on from this academic year, which has been one of a kind. I suffered from my health, physically and mentally, the strains of long distance relationships, the stresses of a new job immediately followed by the pressure of finding a new one, the sense of failure when you put someone’s project before yours, and especially the goodbyes I had to say to my friends. But despite drowning, I kept smiling for most of it, pretending in front of everyone that I was fine. Trying to see the light in the darkness, I made a list of things I take with me before this chapter is closed, before I say one final goodbye, before I leave part of me with lots of you and before I take lots of parts of you with me.

- The friends I made in AHS and RGS. The loveliest languages departments ever. AHS who adopted me like another friend from day one and nurtured me into making me a head of department. RGS who believed in me blindly and showed kindness and friendship to me day in, day out. I take all your friendship with me and I know we will keep in touch.

- The carsharing with my friends Sarah, Joanna and Candida, and all that I learned from that. Like an unspoken pack, what’s shared in the car will remain in the car!

- My weekend catch-ups with Clara in Thame or Oxford and seeing her getting ready to grow a family of her own. I am forever so lucky that we lived so close to each other these last few years.

- My lockdown walks with Carla around the Chiltern villages admiring the rich and wonders of real estate.

- The 6 months I got to experience being at uni again and what it was like to live with five housemates.

- My new little nephew, who came to the world in June and is the most beautiful baby you have ever seen.

- My husband who put up with all my mood swings and whose positive outlook in life kept me going.

- The lesson learned that life is indeed far from perfect and that being healthy is not something I will ever take for granted.

- The second lesson learned that luck and bad luck both strike at different times in life for different people, it’s unpredictable, visceral, brutal and nothing can be done about it.

- The final lesson learned that no matter what, life continues and you just run with it as best as you can.

Thank you if you have been part of my time in Buckinghamshire in these last few years. They have been wonderful years and I will miss you all so much.